What is it for you?

What is it that you want to change in your life?

Sometimes we don’t know what’s wrong.

We are aware of being unhappy, dissatisfied or unfulfilled, but we don’t know what we need to add or change to make things better.

This can be a frustration in itself.

“If I knew what was wrong I’d do something about it!”

We can do certain things to ascertain what the exact problem is.

Let’s say we’ve been through those processes and we know exactly what it is that needs changing.

We have the information. Let’s say that this information is that we aren’t happy with our financial situation.

The same process will apply here whether it is finances, career, relationships or whatever.

So, let’s use finances as an example; we want to look at why you aren’t happy with this.

What specificallyaren’t you happy about your finances?

If the answer is that you want more money that may sound a silly question as surely everyone wants more?

Well, yes and no.

Whilst few of us would turn down a million pounds if it was offered to us, having loads of money isn’t necessarily a driver as such.

The problem may be that you have reached all of your financial targets and have found that it doesn’t feel as good as you thought.

You may have been hiding all of your frustrations behind the fact that you needed more money – this was easy as it’s clearly verifiable. I don’t have £x therefore I’m not happy. It’s easy to blame it on that.

That example shows that firstly it may not necessarily be about wanting more and secondly that saying that our happiness is marred by our finances may well be a mask for something else.

So, let’s assume for the purposes of demonstration here that the issue you have is with money. You want more of it.

The first question to ask yourself, is ‘why?’

Why do you want more?

We need to know why so that we can ascertain firstly whether it is indeed more that you want, and if it is, how much more?

So, do you need more?

Why do you want more?

If I had more money people would see me in a different way.

If I had more money, I could keep up with the Jones’s.

If I had more money I could relax doing my weekly grocery shop.

If I had more money I could buy a yacht.

If I had more money I could pay this month’s rent.

Our level of need for more money can be separated out into ‘need’ and ‘want’.

If we ‘need’ more money for food or shelter then this is one issue. If we ‘need’ more money to show how well we’re doing, this is a different issue.

The latter example of needing more money to show how well we’re doing is probably not about needing more money. It’s about needing more approval and recognition. This is turn will be about something deeper going on for you.

If in this situation you do get more money, you may be disappointed to find that it doesn’t get rid of your ‘need’ as the need is in fact for something else.

In the former situation, it is indeed money that you need for food and shelter.

The reasons why you haven’t got money in the first place may be down to something else but your top priority will be to get money in.

If having no money is a pattern in your life then this could well be something deeper going on.

So once we know what our problem is, as demonstrated here we need to look deeper still to ascertain what we’re really after.

A good place to start in resolving any issue in life is to really know yourself.

Until you know what really makes you tick, and what your true wants and needs are, it’s difficult to attain true happiness in any area of your life.

Think hard about why you want what you do.

This may reveal a different story to you.

You can then strive for what would really make you happy.

If you need my help then you know where I am but otherwise,

think hard and find the real desire within you! 

by Jessica Hylands Life and Confidence Coach