Maybe this is usually you but at the moment that isn't happening.
There can be a lot of things that drain us of our zest for life.
It could be a particular event: a falling out with someone, the break-up of a relationship.
Even moving house, changing jobs, having a baby – any big event that creates a change in your life or your routine can throw you off course.
Something else that can create this very same feeling may be something that happened many years ago.
Was there a major event from which you never fully emotionally recovered?
Did you take a path in life that you either didn’t want to at the time or have regretted taking ever since?
So if you are feeling a bit down or out of sorts see if you can identify the source.
And this doesn’t necessarily have to be a big change.
Think about the change, whether big or small, and look at the effect on your day to day life.
Is this change a negative or is it simply that it's a change and you're having difficulty adjusting to it.
It may not be a difficult adjustment, just that you are on auto-pilot and you need to adjust course slightly to accommodate this new thing in your life.
Think about the change and before looking deeper and making any rash decisions, decide whether it really is an issue or not.
If you decide that it is a negative then deeper thought is required as to what you will do about it.
Don't ignore it because it's making you unhappy.
See how you can change things to live with it, or look at what would need to change in order for you to feel happy.
Can you make that change?
If the answer is no, what's stopping you?
Do you feel broken-hearted, abandoned, cast adrift?
The feeling of being without this person feels all consuming.
Life just won’t be the same without them.
No maybe it won’t, but we often forget that part of the loss is about general aspects of life. Not about missing the person as such as regular events.
You are no longer going out for a curry with them every Friday night. You’re no longer going to their Mum’s place for Sunday lunch each week.
Start with the small stuff. Arrange with friends to meet up on a Friday night. Invite your family round for Sunday lunches. Put the word out for a new badminton partner or whatever other gaps they have left.
In doing this you will begin to have a full life and be much better equipped to then deal with the heart-ache that you may still be feeling.
This can be a very trying time.
You’ve spent all of your adult life going to work every day.
Very often we can feel defined by what we do for a living.
We have our work colleagues that we get attached to.
They may not be the sort of people that you would spend your leisure time with but as you are together so much, they are like a second family nonetheless.
Sometimes when we’ve been working really hard and put in long hours, this has been at the expense of a social life.
If this sounds like you, what you would like to be doing.
Make a list of all of the hobbies and entertainment you enjoy; walking, theatre, cinema, golf, pub lunches, nights out with friends, hosting dinner parties?
Make a list of these things. Note against each one how often you do them. If the answer is ‘never’ or ‘seldom’ then ask yourself why that might be.
The next step is to see what you can do about putting these things in place.
Have you been feeling ths way for long time?
As long as you can remember?
What started this feeling?
You may know what it is but have never done anything about it.
What has stopped you from making the change required in order for you to be happy?
If you don’t know what it is, think about the time when this feeling started.
If you know roughly what age you were when you started to feel like this then you may be able to look at what was going on at the time and identify the root of your feeling.
Are you following the path that you want? Do you know what that path is? Are you doing what you want with your life?
What is the price that you’re paying for not doing what you want?
I appreciate that it’s not necessarily an easy task to think deeply about what it is that’s making you less happy than you know you could be.
Sometimes we actively avoid doing this because deep down we know what the answer is. We know what it is but we don’t want to have to deal with it.
If you are feeling a lack of direction, lack of enthusiasm or just out of sorts, do put the time in to discover what the root of this is in order to free yourself from it and become happy again.
I’d love to help you achieve this if it seems too big a task on your own so please do get in touch for a chat about the possibility of working together.
Otherwise I wish you all the best and hope that you enjoy your new found freedom within yourself!
by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach
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