Which bit is it?

Which bit of your life would you change if you could?

Often we can make an incorrect assumption as to what is the cause of our unhappiness.

When you think of your life or yourself and what isn’t right within it or within you, what do you see as needing to change?

“If only I was popular I’d be happy”

“If only I could change jobs I’d be happy”

Let’s say that it’s the latter that you feel needs changing.

Whilst we are using this as an example, the principle is the same whether we’re talking about a job, a relationship, the area that you live in, your weight…..whatever it might be.

So, if only you could change your job you would be happy.

What specifically is it about your job that you don’t like?

Let’s say you are an accountant. You spend most of your days processing numbers and meeting with clients.

What else do you do in your day?

I go out to lunch with colleagues to a local café.

What environment do you work in – open plan office? An office on your own?

How do you get to work in the morning? Walk, drive, train?

Once you have all of the pieces of your day laid out in front of you, look at each one individually. Whether this is about your work day, your social life, your relationship with your partner or something else, you will have a list of specific things that you do with and around this personal or situation.

In this case, of the specifics around the working day, we are looking at:

Processing of work

Meeting clients

Lunch at the cafe

Lunch with colleagues

Office environment

Journey to and from work

Give each of these a score out of ten as to how good the experience is. 10 being excellent and 0 being horrible.

You may be able to identify the element of your day/relationship that is the issue.

In this example, it may not be a case of hating your job but not liking Joan who sits at the desk next to you and is constantly moaning about everything which brings you down. It may be that meeting with clients is something that you feel terror at doing. Again, it’s not your job that you hate but just that one aspect of it.

Whatever it is that you find, it may be something that you can resolve easily with a small change. It may not be a case of needing to change careers/partners/friends. If you do make the big change, you may find that it either wasn’t necessary – you miss the actual work and end up back at another firm doing the exact same thing – or it doesn’t resolve things – your new job is completely different but you still have to meet with clients and so your initial problem is exactly the same.

The first step to happiness is being true to ourselves. It’s about recognising what we like and don’t like and allowing ourselves to follow our true path.

Your feeling of discontentment may well be nothing to do with your particular job/life as such – that may be great – but it may not be suited to the real you.

How do you know who the real you is?

How do you know what to do to lead a life suited to the real you?

Look deep into yourself. Ask yourself the questions above about whatever aspect of your life isn't making you happy.

I'd love to hear how you get on!

If you need my help then you know where I am but otherwise,

enjoy this next stage of enlightenment! 

by Jessica Hylands Life and Confidence Coach