Is confidence that important?
"I've got through life quite happily so far 'faking' it."
You may well indeed have got through life without having real inner confidence.
It's like a bar of chocolate.
Or a cream cake.
Or whatever your favourite treat might be.
How can confidence be like a bar of chocolate?
It's like it in the sense that you didn't know how good chocolate was until you tasted it.
Or butternut Squash.
Or whatever makes you go "ooooooo!"
The same applies to feeling confident inside.
You've got by quite happily in life without having inner confidence.
on a scale of 1 - 10, where is your happiness?
If you've always lacked self-confidence then on your personal scale, you may feel it's a 10.
You've never felt better than this so it must therefore be a 10.
But once you've tasted chocolate and you know how good it is, your 'getting by' score may now seem like a 5.
Have a think about it.
Do you want to live your life on a nice steady 5/10 or would you rather have the feelings that go with a 10/10?
For me, being confident means that I feel whole.
I feel worthy.
I feel lovable.
I trust in my choices.
I can make decisions easily.
How would you describe it?
Would you like to be a 10/10?
Do get in touch for a chat and let's get started!
Look forward to speaking soon!
Hello I’m Jessica Hylands Confidence coach.
Why do I specialise in helping people with their confidence?
Firstly because when I was growing up I was so lacking in self-confidence, self-esteem, self-belief and all of those things and I know how debilitating it can be.
I’m aware of all of the opportunities that I missed because I didn’t feel worthy of going for them.
I’m aware of the misery that comes with forever not feeling good enough.
It’s a horrible place to be.
And hard work living that way. It takes a lot of energy. If you’re there I’m sure you know what I mean by that.
Now I’ve got myself to where I am, feeling happy with who I am, happy with my decisions, happy with my actions, what I do, how I do it and with whom I do it!
And the main reason that I started coaching was because I wanted to share the joy of that with others. I wanted to be able to show others that there is a different way, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can change. You can be the person that you want to be.
I appreciate that from where you may be now, the change might feel impossible.
When you’ve been a certain way for so many years it’s difficult to imagine that you can change.
The way you are, surely is just you. It’s the way that you were born.
But if the way that you are isn’t making you happy, then no, it’s not just you.
You can change.
I’ve done it and I know that I can help you to do it.
But anyway, that’s one of the reasons that I became a confidence coach.
I appreciate how different my life is feeling confident.
The other reason that I specialise in confidence is because I believe it is the basis, the determinant if you like, of everything that happens in our lives.
That may sound a little extreme but think about it.
Something to demonstrate:
You’re at work and one of the managing directors of the big company that you work for comes into the open plan office and says “I need an additional person in my direct team. Who’s up for the job?”
You know that this would be a massive promotion for you and you know you’re fully capable of doing it. If you’re feeling confident in yourself you’d say “Me! Me!”.
If you’re not feeling confident in yourself, you’d keep your mouth shut. Inside you’re screaming “Me! Me!” but a louder inner voice than that is saying “Who do you think you are imagining you’re good enough for that role?”
And this scenario will play out in all sorts of different versions over all areas of your life.
Maybe in everyday life you’re the one at home who does everything while everyone else sits around making demands on you.
You work full time and yet when you get home you don’t stop until you go to bed while everyone else is chilling out watching telly or going out and having fun.
If you were confident in yourself do you think you’d carry on doing this?
If you were confident would you deem yourself to be worth more than this and feel that you weren’t being treated fairly.
It may seem an impossibility at the moment but maybe you would share the chores out.
Give everyone a list of who will do what and when, and take your turn at having a rest or going out with friends or whatever you wanted to do.
If you aren’t feeling the inner confidence at the moment I can see how this may seem like the actions of someone on another planet.
But it’s not. This could be you in a few months time.
What other areas of life can you imagine that a lack of confidence would affect?
Can you see how it would affect relationships – intimate relationships through to work relationships and everything in between?
How it would affect the decisions you make.
And that will be about everything from where you live, and what you do for work, to the car you drive and even the programmes you watch on telly.
If you feel that you are being dictated to by an inner voice that’s continually telling you that you ‘should’ be doing this or you ‘shouldn’t’ be doing that when really you’d prefer to be making other choices, then this could be your insecurity talking.
Listen to the inner voice and ask it what it’s getting at. Why it’s telling you to make those choices.
If you can hear those reasons it will give you a better insight into why you’re running your life the way that you are.
You may find that the reasons you unearth are pretty meaningless; they don’t hold any water.
For example the inner voice may say “If I don’t agree with what other people say they won’t like me”. Your inner voice is telling you to agree with everyone regardless of what’s being said. This may be getting you in all sorts of situations that you don’t want to be in.
You’ve been listening to it for so long that you take it as read that the instructions this inner voice is giving you is correct. And compulsory.
So you listen to what the voice and in this case you hear that it’s saying that you must agree with everyone. You think about that and realise that it doesn’t really make any sense.
Having had this realisation, in time you may be able to ignore the inner criticising voice because you know that it’s not logical and not really making any sense.
This is a great exercise and I wish you all the best in getting to the bottom of where this inner voice is coming from and in getting the voice to change its tune.
So you know where I am if you need me and I’d love to have a chat about it, otherwise, I wish you the best in turning things around for yourself.
Thanks for listening
Bye for now!
Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!
by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach