Hello I’m Jessica Hylands Life Coach

How would you rate your level of stress?

And having rated that, how would you rate your ability to handle it?

At the moment I think we’re all a little more stressed than normal to say the least. Exceptional times.

It’s quite surreal. If someone presented what we’re all going through as a plot for a film it would probably get thrown out. No-one would believe that! Too far fetched.  

So, I hope you’re all keeping safe and well.

With clean hands.

So the current stress is adding to our usual burdens of course but how do you view your stress?

It could be the case that you’ve been so stressed for so long that you accept it as part of yourself. “It’s just the way I am.”

I’m not sure whether this will sound like good news or bad news to you, but the reality is that it isn’t ‘just how you are’.

You can change it.

The reason that I say it may sound like bad news is that when we’ve put it down to our character, it absolves us of responsibility for it. “Not my fault, I was born like it”.

Realising that it is in fact something that you can get rid of means that you have to take action.

That’s the bit that may sound like bad news.

Having said that, if we want to be happy, we will always have to be proactive. Not necessarily physically but certainly in our thought processes. Getting rid of things and thoughts that make us unhappy doesn’t just happen with the wave of a magic wand.

I may ask you what it is that you’re stressed about. “Oh its my work. It’s a nightmare” or maybe “My partner drives me up the wall” or partner may be substituted with kids / parents / friends / colleagues.

Very often, this thing that you’re blaming for your stress, isn’t really what it’s all about.

Your stress is something buried deep, then when external things happen, you don’t have the inner resources to deal with it and so the situation becomes difficult and very stressful.

It could be that your stress pot is sitting at 75% full at all times. When something relatively minor happens and you can’t cope.

I don’t know if you’ve experienced when you’re sitting at your desk, or maybe chopping veg in the kitchen, you drop your pen or knife.

You reach down to pick it up cursing and screaming about having dropped it.

It’s only right there.

I can pick it up.

Bit of an overreaction.

You may recognise that in your reaction perhaps to your partner. Or your parents.

They say something that on the surface is something and nothing. But you know what they mean.

When your Mum says ‘Well done’. You know what she’s really thinking!

She is probably genuinely thinking ‘Well done’ but because of some incident 20 years ago that the comment is reminding you of, you want to hit the roof.

So the stress, because of that incident 20 years ago or maybe a collection of things from the past, you are 75% full and then you drop your pen, or you Mum says ‘Well done’ and it’s just to much. You can’t cope.

So back to the original question, how stressed are you? And how well do you handle it?

Your life will be immearsurably better if the levels were lower. Wouldn’t it?

The aim is to get rid of that pot of stress that you’ve been carrying around with you for years. Plus to become more resilient and able to handle stress more effectively on a day to day basis.

So how can you do this?

In terms of the on-going pot of 75% of your stress, it’s a case of uncovering what is in the pot. Do you know what’s in yours?

Once you’ve discovered what’s in it, you will be able to begin to clear it out.

In terms of handling stress better on a day to day basis, there are many ways of doing this.

Firstly to establish what it is that causes you to be stressed. Look at the cause and really think about WHY it makes you stressed. For example you get stressed when your partner says that they don’t want to go and see a film that you’d like to see.

When you really think about it, why does that matter so much? What does it create this stress inside you? You like a certain film and they don’t. So what?

When you really think about it, them disagreeing with you represents not being considered or respected.

Way back, whatever suggestion you might have put forward was laughed out of the realms of possibility. Therefore whatever you like, thought or wanted, was considered to be useless, or stupid.

As a result, when you partner simply says that they don’t like the same things as you, it pushes a button in you and causes you to feel stressed.

So discovering the route is step one. Step two is handling the emotions when they arise. The best way of doing this is to recognise WHY the emotion is arising. That in itself will take the sting out of it, making you more relaxed and less stressed.

I do appreciate that at the moment, things may feel doubly difficult.

It is possible to make the most of this time of shut down and being isolated.

If you are alone, it offers certain opportunities, and if you are closed up with others it can too.

I’m actually enjoying it. I’m lucky in that I’m still able to have sessions with clients as we’re working over Skype and phone. For me the rest of the time is more relaxed than normal. I have no meetings to attend, no social engagements to get ready for. I’m keeping in touch socially chatting on the phone. I’m seeing it as a bit of a holiday.

And that is the key. How you see it. No, it’s not the same as seeing friends in person. It’s not as good sitting in the garden having a coffee alone as it would be at a café with friends. But I don’t focus on that. I focus on the good bits. Your perception of it, is what determines the emotions that you’ll experience.

See it as an awful imprisonment and of course you’re going to feel bad. See it as an opportunity, and the emotions, and your whole experience of it, will be different.

It’s an opportunity to get household jobs done that have been lurking in the background for ages. An opportunity to get closer to those living with you on a deeper, more personal level.

What I mean by that is that normally you may see others in your family, almost in passing. In between work, the gym, shopping etc and by the time you get to spend time together you‘re all worn out and just sit staring at the TV.

With a lot more time available to you all, playing board games for example. It passes the time, keeps your brain going, and gives you the chance to socialise and have fun together. This may well be a great time for strengthening bonds between you.

Does that sound a bit Pollyanna to you?  

If you are finding it hard, now may be the time for us to get together.

I can help you through this difficult time. Help you to turn it into a positive. Or at least turn it out of being a negative.

But also this may be a perfect time to work on yourself.

Usually you probably have loads of things going through your mind at the same time: what time have I got to get to work? What will I cook for dinner? Can I nip to the supermarket on my way?  I must book that dentist appointment. Did I send that letter off to that client yesterday? I wonder what mood so-and-so is going to be in today…… and on it goes. A constant stream of thoughts, issues, problems. No time to think about yourself. No time to consider what’s going on inside.

If you’re stuck at home now like many of us, you will have more time to think on a deeper level. This could be an ideal opportunity for you to work on yourself. Saying ‘work on yourself’ makes it sound onerous. It’s not necessarily hard, but having time to let your mind do it’s thing and think through, what we may have been talking about in a session perhaps, is perfect.  

So if you need any help then please do get in touch and we can have a chat about it.

Otherwise, stay safe, clean hands, and I hope you manage to make the most of this challenging time we are experiencing.

Not easy I know but, it is what it is, and providing we all follow the guidance and keep ourselves to ourselves, hopefully it will be over sooner rather than later.

Lots of positive vibes coming over to you.

Stay safe.

Hope to speak to you soon.

Bye for now.