How quickly do you lose your temper? -

Does your temper feel like a special Covid-19 temper?

Are you losing it more than usual?

At times, when we are in, what may feel like an increasingly confined space with others, tempers can flair.

We can feel more irritable than normal.

Why is that?

And what can you do about it?

We are in lock-down at the moment because of the Covid-19 virus.

We don’t know when this will end.

But can you imagine that as you are reading this in a year’s time, that it will be a distant memory.

I wonder what will have changed in the world as result of this pandemic?

My hope is that there will be more working at home and so less pollution with everyone travelling so much every day.

Less waste because we will remember having to eke out our supplies, not being able to freely go to the supermarket at the drop of a hat and stock up as we normally do.

More consideration for others as we’ve had to get used to respecting each others space.

Keeping a check on our elderly neighbours.

Will some good come of it?

We’ll see.

But back to being more irritable than normal...... I hope this video helps to explain things and help to calm things down for you!

As ever, do call if I can help.

Look forward to speaking soon,

Video Transcript

Hello I’m Jessica Hylands Life Coach.

How quickly do you lose your temper?

Spending a lot of time in close quarters with the family at the moment?

Feeling a little frustrated that you aren’t getting out as much as normal?

Being physically stuck with people for an extended period of time can certainly make a bad situation worse.

I’m not sure it would actually create a problem though.

If the people you’re with are family then you know them pretty well. You know what pushes each others buttons and so if things started kicking off, it’s likely that you will be used to that with them.

You would’ve been crossing swords at every family event for years and so that would come as no surprise.

If you find that normally harmonious relationships are pushing your buttons, or indeed whether the other persons buttons seem to be being pushed, is there a possibility that things haven’t been as hunky dory up to now as you thought?

In normal day to day life, we don’t, as a rule, for most of us, spend 24/7 with the same people.

And again, in day to day life, we have the option of walking away when we need to.

Someone starts to grate on your nerves for whatever reason, it’s not such a big deal. You can brush it off as you don’t have to stay around and listen to it.

When you’re stuck in a house together it’s not quite so easy.

Depending on how big your house is, there may not be anywhere to walk away to.

If there is, it may be fuel for an argument to walk away because they might know that you have no real need to ‘just pop into the other room’. You’re clearly walking away from them.

So if you find your temper is a lot shorter than normal there can be several reasons for it at the moment:

You’re not getting enough exercise. You have a surplus of energy that has nowhere to go.
You’re scared. Scared for yourself, for you family, for the world, for the planet.
You’re bored. The frustration that this causes may make you a bit snappy and irritable.
It could be that there is an underlying issue in some or all of your relationships that being in close quarters with them for so long, has been highlighted.

So what do you do about it? How do you stop losing your temper?

It depends on which of these reasons matches what’s going on for you.

If you’re not getting enough exercise, get some. I’ve been doing star jumps, burpees and running on the spot in a HIIT style workout. Not the most exciting of workouts maybe but I can do it with very little space and I can do it in short bursts while I’m waiting for the kettle to boil or something (I’ve got a slow kettle).

If the reason you’re short tempered is because you’re scared then I do feel for you. It’s very frightening to be scared of something that’s outside of your control.

You may have someone vulnerable or sick which is obviously a concern for you.

Or you may be worrying more generally about the virus.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s serious, we can’t be blasé and we do all have to consider it with every action we take at the moment.

If you find yourself in constant fear over it, think about where that’s coming from. Is it about the virus or was this feeling of fear there anyway and it’s just found an outlet.

How you feel about something is all about perception, including what we’re going through now.

How I see it and feel about it is that I’m rigidly following the guidelines set out, as are others in my family, and so I don’t feel for us, that we’re in direct danger.

Therefore I can take the stance of ‘It is what it is. This too will pass. I’m doing what I can to contain it ie not going out, not interacting with anyone’. And for me that take on things gives me peace of mind.

If you find it difficult to adopt this attitude, think about how you are going about your day.

Are you keeping abreast of the situation in minute detail?

To be frank if I thought deeply about it all day, mulling over every eventuality, reading every article and watching every news report, I’m sure I would become overwhelmed with it all.

But I know that would happen, and so I don’t.

I catch up on the headlines once a day. I’m doing everything I can as an individual to stop the spread.

The world won’t be helped by me becoming panic stricken and fearful of what tomorrow might bring.

So in my mind, it is what it is. I don’t feel in immediate danger, and it will pass.

So the fear may be about how you’re approaching this, or it may be an outlet for an underlying fear.

Maybe the fear was there anyway – you don’t know what it’s about but it’s been an undercurrent within you for a long time - and now this fear has something to grip onto.

A bit like, let’s say you’ve just broken up with someone and you’re broken hearted. You put on a brave face and on a conscious level you have a devil-may-care attitude to it. So what, plently more fish in the sea!

Then you go to the pictures to see a film and it’s about, yes, it’s about a couple of who are very much in love and then they split up. You’re howling. Tears streaming down your face. Is it the film that’s making you cry? Really? Or was the pain there and the film gave the pain an excuse to come to the surface.

So you see what I mean?

If you are full of fear at the moment, and you don’t have anyone with you that you’re quite rightly worried about, can you see whether there’s a possibility that this feeling has been lurking for some time and it now feels justified in coming out and being ‘felt’?

So, back to the short temper, if you have fear, either because you’re scaremongering yourself with constantly reading horror stories about the virus, or you have underlying fear that’s being allowed to show itself, disguised as ‘virus fear’, in either case, you will be feeling on edge and likely to snap at people easily.

The next point that can cause a short temper was boredom. If you’re bored you may be making up problems and arguments almost to entertain yourself. ‘Nothing’s happening, let’s inject some life into this!’. If you recognise this in yourself then think of something to do to occupy your mind. You’ve got the internet there. The world’s your oyster in finding something to keep you interested and to pass the time. Anything from playing scrabble to learning a new skill. Off-line, read a book, do a crossword. Better still do something where you’re interacting with others in the house. Play cards, Pictionary, talk.

And the last point that could be making things uncomfortable is whether there is an underlying discontentment with your relationship as a whole. This can be your relationship with your partner, kids, siblings, parents.

There may be things that you ignore or avoid on a day to day basis. Being forced to spend so much time together, these irritants are being highlighted.

If this is the reason for your short temper then, depending on how you are together and how deep the issue is, now might be a good time to talk and try and sort things out.

If it’s a big or deep issue then as you have to stay together for a while longer at least and you can’t get away, this might not be a good time to poke the wasps nest of emotions. For now maybe let sleeping dogs lie but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do a lot of thinking around it.

Observe the dynamic between you. You may be able to see that the antagonism isn’t in fact based on anything. It could have been an argument years ago that whilst neither of you can remember the details of it, you’ve held onto the negative feelings because, well, it wasn’t my fault.

In observing and thinking about it you may see more into the situation and be able to see a way to mend it, or a new approach to help you rub along better together.

Whatever the situation, as ever, if you’d like some help then please do get in touch for a fully confidential chat. We can talk about what you’re experiencing, how I can help, and see where you might want to take it from there.

Otherwise I hope that this has given you some insight into why you may be feeling more on edge than normal, other than the obvious fact that our whole lives are up in the air at the moment and we’re all getting used to the massive change in our day to day lives.

But apart from that, I wish you all the best in recognising what’s making you snappy and therefore lessening the feeling and making each day calmer and more enjoyable for you.

Thanks for listening.

Look forward to speaking soon!

Bye for now.