Hello I’m Jessica Hylands Life Coach.

What are your relationships like?

That’s all relationships; the one with your partner, your friends, colleagues, children, parents, siblings.

All relationships have a massive bearing on your life.

If any of these relationships that you have aren’t feeling good then it’s not only the time you spend with that person that is affected, it’s all day, every day.

That might sound a bit dramatic but very often it’s true.

When a relationship isn’t good, it can be a symptom of other stuff going on inside for you.

For example let’s say your partner takes advantage of you all the time and doesn’t show you any respect.

This makes you feel unwanted, unloved, unappreciated.

Oh. They’re so unreasonable. So unthoughtful. It makes me really angry or sad or lonely or whatever feeling it might bring out.

So when you’re with that person you’re on tenterhooks the whole time wondering when the next onslaught of nastiness will come.

But when you’re not with that person, do you imagine that everything is hunk dory?

It may be the case that when you’re not with them you are either worrying about something that happened when you were last with them, or worrying about what will happen when you’re next with them.

In this case, yes it is bothering you all the time.

More to the point though Is this:

If you are allowing them to treat you in this way, the chances are that they aren’t the only one. You will be allowing others too, to take advantage of you and treat you disrespectfully.

And if you’re allowing lots of people to treat you in that way, it’s likely that you’ll be feeling bad a lot of the time.

Add to that the fact that if you allow people to treat you in that way, you probably don’t feel particularly good about yourself. In fact when you think about it you’re not treating YOURSELF with much respect either.

So not only are you being put upon when you‘re with your partner, to a lesser degree you’re possibly being put upon by other people too. And you’re even being put upon by yourself.

So looking at it like that, when is it you’re feeling good?

When are you being treated well?

When do you feel full of self-respect, self-love and self-belief?

Not even when you‘re on your own.

So can you see that when a relationship isn’t going well, it can affect you all the time because the flaw in the relationship is actually a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

It may not be as marked as that example. It might be that someone puts you down but in such a way that it’s deemed to be a joke.

If you ever raise an objection, “Oh here she goes! Making a fuss as usual!”. So not only do you have the person putting you down, having raised an objection to it, you’re left feeling as though you’re the one in the wrong.

Rock and a hard place.

So the key message here is that if you have relationships that aren’t working for you, a major part of fixing it, may well be to look within yourself.

People treat you in the way that you ‘ask’ them to. I appreciate that may sound harsh and you’re thinking “Yeah right, I ‘ask’ my friends to take the mickey out of all the time and make me look stupid.”

But by allowing it to happen, you sort of are. They do it. You don’t object. They think that means it’s OK. They do it again. So it goes on.

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But all is not lost!

Don’t worry because whatever the issues are, I can help.

In the meantime some tips on how to do it yourself.

So, in order to try and resolve your relationship issues yourself, I would suggest looking inwards.

Ask yourself how they are getting away with it.

What is it that you’re allowing them to do?

And why is it that they deem that to be acceptable?

Old habits die hard and they may have been treating you this way for years. Even so, it CAN still be turned around.

Thinking about what’s at the bottom of it is the way to start.

Why do you allow them to do this?

Was there a situation in your past where you allowed this to happen and you’ve just continued on the same path, replicating it with others as they come into your life?

It will take a lot of soul searching but I wish you all the best in getting to the bottom of it.  Resolving your inner issues, in turn, will enable you to deal with your relationship issues.

As ever if you’d like any hep then please do get in touch for a chat. We can talk about what you’re experiencing and I’ll let you know how I can help.

Thanks for listening.

Look forward to speaking soon.

Bye for now!