Category Archives: Confidence

Confidence is key to everything.
How you feel about yourself will be reflected in what you do, what you don’t do, who your friends are, what you achieve, absolutely everything.

Can you be too confident?

Too confident

How confident are you?

Is this something that you’ve consciously thought about before or is it the first time you are considering the question?

The way that each of us judges ourselves will be different.

Confident woman

Are you very confident in your work? You hold meetings with people who are at the top of their game. Important and influential people. You take that in your stride so of course you’re confident.

Are you the life and soul of the party? You’re the one telling the jokes and keeping everyone entertained.

You love the limelight ‘Of course I’m confident’  

It’s great that you have the confidence to do these things.

But what about other areas of your life?

You may be confident at work but what about at home? What about in relationships?

If you’re the life and soul of the party, how do you feel in smaller groups or when talking one-to-one?

Do you have the same level of confidence then?

If the answer to having confidence in other areas of your life is that you don’t, that doesn’t take away from the confidence that you do have.

However being able to do something in a confident manner isn’t necessarily the same as ‘being confident’.

So what does it mean…..?

What does it mean to be confident?

Look into my eyes

True confidence comes from the inside. 

What do you see when you look into your own eyes?

True confidence starts with how you feel about yourself.

If you love yourself, like yourself, respect yourself and have belief in yourself, you will be feeling pretty confident!

It’s possible to appear confident, and even feel confident sometimes, when it isn’t real.

If you’re really good at something then you may feel happy to express this in front of other people. As you are happy to do this, you deem that to be confidence.

You’re good at singing.  You’re at some event where everyone stands to sing God Save the Queen. No-one is really sure of the words and neither can any of them hold a tune. You’re happy to sing loud with your gorgeous voice so that others can muddle along with the words and ride on the wave of your tune. 

“Wow that feels good! I’m leading everyone. I’m confident!”

I'm confident

The test of that confidence would be when someone makes a negative comment.

“Who does she think she is?”

Suddenly that euphoria you felt turns to horror.

The confidence that you felt wasn’t confidence as such but you knew you were better than everyone else at doing that particular thing and so it felt safe to put yourself forwards.

A nice, safe environment where you couldn’t go wrong. You knew your ‘craft’ and were happy to demonstrate it.  

True confidence is when you feel good about yourself deep inside.  

If you want a real scientific look at self-confidence then this paper, whilst a serious and heavy read, may interest you.  

False Confidence

Confident behind here

False confidence isn’t necessarily when you’re consciously putting it on and pretending. It can be such as the examples above where you are good at something and can therefore do that specific thing in a confident manner.

False confidence can be in the sense of pretend confidence, or in the sense of imagined confidence.

Pretend confidence is easy to understand. And pretending that you’re confident does serve a good purpose.

It can give us the courage to do something if we think that others don’t know how scared we are.

We put on a confident front and go ahead to do this thing, despite how we are feeling inside.

This can open up a whole new world for you. You can find yourself going to parties, acting in a play, meeting bosses at work and all with a smile.

It will have given you opportunities that you might otherwise have missed.

The downside to pretend confidence is that you don’t enjoy these events as much as you could.

You may also go home and tear yourself up with what you did or said. “Oh no, I laughed too loud.” “Oh dear, what I said to so-and-so was stupid”.

Not good enough

I’m just not good enough ☹ 

So is false confidence a good thing?

Yes and no. It has great things and not so great things going for it.

The other type of false confidence is:

Imaginary confidence

One level of imaginary confidence is along the lines of the false confidence examples that we spoke about before.

It can be when you are good at something and therefore don’t feel the worry and inhibitions that usually go with you doing something. 

You know you’re good at singing / accounts / telling jokes / running a department, and therefore are happy to do this knowing that there’s little danger of someone challenging you and embarrassing you.

The other level of imaginary confidence might be when there are different versions of yourself in different situations.

Which me am I today

Probably the most common example of this is looking at the person that we are at work compared to the person that we are at home, and again the person we are when we’re out with friends.

Are you a different person depending on where you are and who you’re with?

If so, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and isn’t necessarily to do with confidence.

In any group of people, you will fill a certain role. In one group of friends you are the leader. With other friends you are the organiser. The reason for this will be that in the first group you are the best leader out of everyone there. In the second group someone else is a better leader than you and so they naturally take that role and you fall into another role that you are good at.

So in that sense, most of us will have a different hat on depending on who we’re with and what we’re doing.

Wearing a different hat to fill a role, and wearing a different hat to hide your true self are two very different things.

change personality hats

If you recognise that you are different at work and at home for example, you will probably have an inkling as to what it's about.

Do you feel yourself putting a ‘face on’ when you walk into the office at the start of the day, or do you put that ‘face on’ when you arrive home?

In either case, the mask represents someone that isn’t you.

There can be many different reasons for this but here, we are talking about confidence.

If you wear a mask at work it might be to hide the feeling that don’t feel your good enough at what you do. You worry about others judging you and your work.

If you wear a mask at home, you don't feel you can be yourself there. May be your partner puts you down leaving you feeling inadequate and questioning yourself all the time.

So who is the real you?

Think about when you feel the best about yourself.

Conversely think about when you feel the worst about yourself.

When you feel the best about yourself is likely to be the real you. 

Likely because it will be the least effort for you. You are the most relaxed because the way that you are being at that time, is coming naturally to you. It flows. You aren't acting. 

 Consider the various hats that you wear. Which is the real you? 

  • The confident person at work
  • The quiet person at home
  • The laugh a minute person with your friends.

 Is the confident person at work a front that you put on to get through the day?

You then get home and retreat into the safety and comfort of yourself.

When you’re out with your friends do you pull out all the stops to make sure you are great company. People will like me better then. 

A fun person

OR

Are you a confident person who is very happy and a peace with yourself. You’re confident at work because you have great self-belief and self-love. You may not always be the best at what you do but you give it your all and are happy with your performance.

When out with your friends you let your hair down and have a good time.

When you go home however, you feel instantly constrained by your over-bearing and jealous partner. You daren't comment upon any conversation you’ve had for fear of it upsetting them. It's safer to stay quiet.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are sometimes confident and sometimes not, consider which of the characters that you present to the world is the real you.

You will then have a starting point as to which area of your life needs attention. You want all of your persona's to be a reflection of you but just playing a different role. This is different from pretending to be someone different in order to fulfill the role.   

Too confident


Can you be too confident?


In terms of true confidence, I would say that no, you can’t be too confident.

If true confidence is about loving yourself and being happy with who you are, what you think and how you present yourself to the world, then I don't see how there can be too much of that.

I do think however that we can be seen to be too confident if it’s not real.

Is confidence a skill

  • If we learn how to be confident then there is a chance that it isn’t coming from the heart. If it isn’t coming from the heart then by default, it must be put on. 
  • If we’re putting it on, it's not so easy to know how much is just right.

Difference between confidence and arrogance

If we are pretending to be confident, it is an act. If we are acting a part, can we be sure that we are doing it right all the time?

We don’t necessarily have an innate sense of how to do it. We’re guessing how it's done by watching others that we deem to be confident.

confidence or arrogance

Not always as easy as it looks.

You may assert yourself a little too much. You may or may not notice yourself doing it but even if you do, the horse has bolted and you can but smile and cringe at what you’ve just said or done.

Having banter with a crowd of people – or indeed just one other- with false confidence can be a minefield.

It is often the person running on false confidence that gets mistaken for being arrogant.

This won't necessarily be what they have said but the way that they’ve said it.

Arrogance v confidence is a fine line and can simply be down to tone of voice. If you  aren’t speaking through real confidence then there is a chance that you might overdo some aspect of your 'performance' and so be taken the wrong way .

This is where the arrogance v confidence issue may raise it's head.

This is where it may be deemed that someone has ‘too much confidence.

It’s usually the polite way of saying arrogant.  

So, tips in not coming across as arrogant:

  • If you aren’t feeling confident, accept that and be as true to yourself as you can be.
  • Not everyone will be aware of your lack of confidence and so a smile and a few "Oh I see" 's in the right place may mean that you don’t have to put on a confident act.
  •  If you are putting on a confident act, keep yourself reigned in and don’t get carried away.

Remember that the opposite of confident is not a quivering mess. You can be confident without being the most confident person in the room.

Also remember that confidence doesn’t necessarily mean that you're happy to dance on the table. You can be a quiet, confident person who just doesn’t enjoy larking about as much as the next person.

Only true confidence brings inner happiness and peace.

Another word for confidence

Is there another word for confidence?

Not as such, but what other words would come into play to describe your life if you were truly confident?

I think happiness would be a word that would be more easily used if you were fully confident. It’s therefore another word that might indicate confidence.

Success. Not actually another word for confidence but again, it’s a word that’s possibly more likely to come into a description of you and your life if you’re are fully confident.

relaxed happy confident


What’s your level of self-confidence?

Signs that your confidence could do with some work:

  • You worry about what other people think
  • You question your abilities
  • You replay over and over things that you’ve said and done
  • A night out carries lots of concerns about how you might interact with others.
  • If you recognise yourself in any of these points, you might consider talking with a therapist or life coach
  • SCHEDULE A CALL

Talking through what you are experiencing will enable us to discover why this is happening, and change it.

Four Simple Steps to Confidence

  • Recognise that you want to change
  • Schedule a call with me
  • Tell me what you’re experiencing in life
  • We’ll devise a plan to make the changes you need. 

I’ll be with you at every step. 

Sounds too easy, right?

“How can you help me when I haven’t got any idea where to start?”

You’ve had these issues for a long time and haven’t been able to sort them out by yourself.

I have years of experience in helping people just like you.

Schedule a call now and let’s talk about it.

Look forward to speaking with you soon!

Jessica

Email: coaching@JessicaHylandslifecoaching.co.uk

Telephone: 01323 648819

Are you nice?

Are you nice to everyone, or just everyone else?

Jessica-Hylands-Life-Coach

Being truly nice to yourself can be a challenge....

How much do you put up with?

Not from other people but from yourself.

Does the voice inside you keep saying negative things that are making you miserable?

Sometimes there can be an incessant stream of negativity.

Stuff about yourself:

‘My friends always look so good. I look awful’

‘No-one’s coming to speak to me. No-one likes me.’

‘I wish I was interesting to talk to. Life would be fun then’

We even make stuff up:

‘I bet if I join that club I’ll be the outsider. I’ll be the one everyone laughs at’

‘I know what will happen if I go to that party. I’ll be stuck in the corner on my own’.

Why do we do that?

It’s almost as though we’re deliberately sabotaging our happiness.

In fact it’s not ‘almost as though’. You are sabotaging your happiness!

Why would you do that?

Why would you make sure that you don’t enjoy anything.

Ensure that you don’t feel good about yourself?

There are loads of reasons for this and it will be different for each of us.

It’s made up of things that we’ve experienced in life.

These experiences have ‘taught’ us that the negative things are fact.

Obviously the thoughts we have aren’t fact but that’s how it seems.

Imagine a life free from these negative thoughts.

How can you do that?

The first thing is to recognise when you’re having these thoughts and stop them.

‘I know what will happen if I go to that party. I’ll be stuck in the corner on my own’.

No!

‘I know when I turn up at that party that I will be fun, entertaining and good company. People will love talking to me.’

Change every negative around. Don’t listen to the voice.

Secondly, think about where the negative idea comes from.

You may realise that the idea came from one occasion 20 years ago when someone told you that you were boring.

When you recall that situation you remember that it was someone who was always putting you down. Someone who was always trying to show that they were better than you.

Realising this will also help you to realise that there was no truth in the put-downs.

They were things that person made up in order to try and feel better than you.

Having established that the fact that you are boring was in fact made up and not true, will help you to talk back to the voice in your head when it tries to scupper your fun and enjoyment of life.

Do call if you’d like a hand in getting this all in place. I do appreciate that it’s not easy to look at ourselves and be objective.

Enjoy your happiness going forwards!

Look forward to speaking soon,

Video Transcript

Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!

Free-download-Simple-steps-to-a-happier-life-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

#lifecoaching #confidence

Where do you go from here?

Change can be good, but scary.


The key to making the right change is to know what it is that we’re aiming for.

I hope you get some good tips and a way forward in this video.

Look forward to speaking soon!

Video Transcript

Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!

Free-download-Simple-steps-to-a-happier-life-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

#lifecoaching #confidence

Achieving your dream

dream-Jessica-Hylands-confidence-coach

You have to have a dream if you want it to come true.

Do you have a dream?

And is a dream the same as a goal?


That depends on what you do with it.


If your dream is something you use to entertain yourself on the bus on the way to work but never take any action on it then that is just a dream.


If you take that dream and apply some action to making it come true, then it becomes a goal.

I hope this video helps you clarify things around your dreams and goals. 

I'd love to chat with you about what might be troubling you around this topic.


Do get in touch.


Look forward to speaking soon!

Video Transcript

Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!

Free-download-Simple-steps-to-a-happier-life-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

#lifecoaching #confidence

Poo

What has poo got to do with confidence?

Maybe nothing

But I'm on a quest to save the planet! 

Every little helps and this one is really close to my heart.

Animals are dying because of the plastic poo bags full of doggy do-do that are left lying around.

I can't get my head around how people will leave full bags in the park, in the woods, and on the pavement.

If there's no bin, and it's not appropriate to 'stick and flick', take your poo home! 

dog-poo-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

I've even seen someone throw their bag into a hedge walking down the street.

They were probably a matter of metres away from a bin.

Even if we responsibly throw them in a bin, it's still more plastic going into the system.

Imagine how much plastic you use for one dog over the course of a year.

There are apparently 8.9 million dogs in the UK.

plastic-poo-bags-Jessica-Hylands-Confidence-coach

If everyone switched to my method that might save the planet

 6,497,000,000 poo bags

every year.

That is not an insignificant amount.

Please join me by using old newspaper.

If you don't have a dog, please do share this with any of your friends that do.

 Let's do our bit!

Thanks a mill for reading. I really appreciate it 🙂  

Jessica-Hylands-Confidence-Coaching

Look here ....... live the life that you want!

Be-happy-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

Why does confidence matter?

Does Confidence matter? Really?

Confidence matters

Surely you can fake it...

Yes, you can fake confidence but where does that take you?

Does being confident mean that you're the first one on the dance floor?


Or does it mean that you can ask someone out on a date without much fear?


There are lots of ways that we can define confidence but real, true confidence is in how you feel about yourself.

It really does matter.


If you don't love yourself and feel good about who you are, then you can pretend to be confident as much as you like but it won't help you to feel any better.

I hope that you gain some insight through this video into how confident you really are.


Does the result surprise you?


I'd love to hear how you get on so 

do get in touch for a chat if I can help with anything.


Look forward to speaking soon!

Links from the video:

To get your photo judged:

https://www.photofeeler.com/

David Green Photographer:

https://www.shootmenow.co.uk/brighton-headshot-professional-photographer

Video transcript

Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!

Confidence matters

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

#lifecoaching #confidence

How good is your life?

Are you happy with all areas of your life? Some areas? Or none?

life-coach-Jessica-Hylands

If the latter, how long has this been going on?

Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

Is that good advice?

In terms of making changes within yourself then yes it’s definitely good advice.

We can make up a lot of reasons as to why we should put off doing something:

I haven’t got the time.       Does it really matter?           Will it work?

confidence-coaching-jessica-hylands

These reasons are excuses that we make because we don’t want to do it.

You may not want to do it because you tell yourself that it won’t work.

Maybe on a deeper level you’re worried that it will work ….and then what?

Your whole life will change!

How will you cope?!

If you could wave a magic wand and have some changes already made within yourself or your life, what would it be?

 Would you be fitter?

Smarter?

Have a better job?

A nicer partner?

life-coach-jessica-hylands

Wave the magic wand and consider it done.

So it might take a bit longer than waving a wand in reality.

Let’s say it takes you six months to achieve it. A year even.

Won’t it be worth the effort over that time in order to have the rest of your life being a shining version of what is now?

It will be wonderful to have a life that you love rather than feel is ‘OK’.

Sometimes it’s better that it takes a while to make the change rather than it being instant with a magic wand (assuming for this example that there is such a thing!).

The reason for this is that if we could make changes instantly it might be that we make the wrong change and in the longer term we feel the same, or maybe even worse than we do now.

It can take time to know exactly what it is that we want. 

Sometimes the thought of achieving what we want can be scary. This can be enough to put us off starting it.

Don't let it. 

When the change is made over time, you are adjusting inside along the way so by the time the change is complete, you are ready for it.

You aren’t changing from the person you are today, straight into the person that you want to be.

You aren’t changing overnight from someone who’s too scared to speak to people into someone who is happy to be the life and soul of the party.

Change-Jessica-Hylands-coach

Doing it overtime, you will gradually change

The bottom line is that if there’s something that you want in life that you don’t have at the moment, whether  that’s a better paying job, a better social life, a partner, or a fitter and slimmer body, now is the time to start making that change.

The best time to plant a tree is ten years ago or today….

How big will the tree of your dreams be this time next year….?

Do get in touch for a chat and let's see what we can do about it.

Look forward to speaking soon!

Video Transcript

Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!

Free-download-Simple-steps-to-a-happier-life-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

#lifecoaching #confidence

Living true to yourself is the way to happiness

Happiness is being 'YOU'

Confidence-coaching-life-coaching

Who is the real you?

Do you know the real you? 

You may have spent so many years being this other person that you're not sure who you really are.


Why did I never pursue my dream to be a dancer / accountant / artist / solicitor?


Think about that.


What was the reason?


Fear? Laziness? Or did it not occur to you to take it seriously?


It's important to live the life that you want.


If this feels out of your reach, it isn't.


You can do whatever you want to do.


Step 1: Think about what you want to do / be. Work-wise, socially, spiritually, anything.

Step 2: Think about why you haven't done it up to now.

Step 3: Grab that reason and dissect it. Really look at what it means. Uncover what's behind it and holding you back.  


If this is too big a step for you to do alone, do get in touch for a chat.


Otherwise, I wish you all the best with whatever you discover and get rid of!


Look forward to speaking soon!

Video Transcipt

Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!

Free-download-Simple-steps-to-a-happier-life-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

#lifecoaching #confidence

How happy have you decided to be?

Life-coach

Happy as a

Spring lamb!

Most people are as happy as they want to be.


That may feel a bit harsh if you are in the midst of a bad time.


But I'm afraid it's true.


We can tell this by looking at different people in the same  circumstances.

One being happy and one not.


It's usually because the happy person has decided that they aren't going to let the situation worry them.

 

The unhappy person can't see past the horrible stuff and so feels bad.


To hear that our happiness is in our own hands can sound

FANTASTIC 

or catastrophic...... 


Fantastic! because we're in control and can do something about it.

Catastrophic because we're in control and can do something about it.


..... Hmmmm


It may seem daunting but it really is good news that we are in control of it.


It may not be easy, but you can do it.


Give it a go.


Try seeing something small in a positive light first and see if you can work your way up to seeing bigger things more positively.


I do appreciate that this is far from easy but it will be worth it.


Do give me a call if you'd like to talk about how I can help,  otherwise I wish you all the best in changing your mind about things and becoming happy!


Look forward to speaking soon!

Video Transcript

Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!

Free-download-Simple-steps-to-a-happier-life-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

Enter your text here...

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

#lifecoaching #confidence

What are you like?

What you think of yourself will impact greatly on every area of your life.

life-coach-love

Do you love yourself?

Loving and liking yourself may not feel easy with all that stuff from your past weighing on you


Let's talk.


Bye for now and speak soon.

Video Transcript

Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!

Free-download-Simple-steps-to-a-happier-life-jessica-hylands-confidence-coach

by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

#lifecoaching #confidence