How happy are you?
I guess a lot of your answer will depend on what your definition of happiness is.
Do you see happiness as singing and dancing with a crowd of people?
Do you see happiness as going to the seafront, woods, park, wherever, finding a bench in a quiet spot and reading a book?
And if you get to do these things, does that mean you’re happy?
It might mean that you’re happy at the time of doing it, but it doesn’t necessarily follow that you’re happy inside just because you find happiness in doing certain things.
So how can we tell if someone’s happy?
Is it the person who’s always smiling and joking? Is it the person who makes loads of money and changes their car every year to a shiny new one? The person with the partner who is stunning to look at, funny, kind and madly in love with them?
Could be. They might be very happy.
But then again they might not.
What is projected out into the world isn’t necessarily a reflection of what’s going on inside.
It might be that those people we mention believe that they are happy. They think that if they can smile all day long or indulge their dreams of flash cards and holidays that they MUST be happy.
Yes they may be but also they may be doing these things to mask their real feelings. Whether consciously or not.
True happiness isn’t about what we do or have. True happiness is what we feel inside.
Yes external things can make us more comfortable but I wouldn’t necessarily say that they make us more happy.
True happiness comes from being content and at peace with who you are, what you do, how you act, how you interact with others, and what effect you have on the world around you.
That determines how happy we are.
So when all of these things are in place then true happiness has a chance to flourish.
So how do we spot unhappiness in others?
It can manifest itself in many different ways.
You may know someone who takes offence easily. Someone who can’t take a joke against themselves. Someone who thinks the world and everyone in it has got it in for them; nothing is their fault. The fact that they aren’t doing well in whatever area of their lives is because of X,Y and Z which are factors external to them.
People who gossip about others.
There are many other ways in which unhappiness can show itself and these are just a few examples. You may think, how can taking offence be a sign of unhappiness? How can gossiping about others be a sign?
Take gossiping. If I’m totally happy within myself, why would I care whether the dress that so and so is wearing is really unfashionable, or doesn’t suit them. Why would I care whether so and so is sleeping with that person, or isn’t doing well at work or whatever.
That’s not to say that if I’m happy in myself I don’t care about others, but I wouldn’t care about tittle tattle and gossip. I’d have better and happier things to be thinking and talking about!
So having got a clue as to how to see unhappiness in others, turn and look in the mirror. What do you see?
If you are a 24/7 smiler, what can you see behind it? Unadulterated bliss or buried emotions?
It feels a lot easier to bury stuff. The prospect of unearthing past pain can feel daunting. You may be aware of what it is that you’ve buried or not. Either way you need to clear it in order to be truly happy and able to enjoy life to the full.
You may look at the pain, know where it comes from and think that you can’t face it. Or that there’s no solution to it.
You may know that the cause of your pain is your partner, your parents, kids, siblings, friends. There’s no way you’re going to confront them and there’s no way they’re going to change. So what’s the point. It will just have to stay as it is and continue to make me unhappy.
But you can change things. Changing how you feel about it is the key. The situation may still be the same but how you feel about it will be different and therefore won’t be making you unhappy.
Remember, no-one can make you feel anything. How you chose to respond is what makes you feel the way that you do.
When you look in the mirror, take your time rather than having a fleeting glance. Really look and see what’s in there.
Clearing it will give you a new lease of life!
Take your time and see what you can discover about yourself.
I wish you all the best with that and as always, if I can be of any help then please do get in touch.
Here’s to a happier you!
Thanks for listening.
Bye for now!