Step Two

to a happier life

It can take a lot of confidence to live the life that YOU want

Feel proud of choosing what suits you best.

Whether this is in terms of a career, a relationship or something else, the sentiment is the same

Have you ever felt that you OUGHT to be doing a certain thing?

That you OUGHT to stay where you are?

Do you consider yourself to be lucky with your lot and therefore feel that you SHOULD be happy?

If our life looks good on paper we can feel guilty for not loving it.

If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?

What sort of work would you be doing?

What sort of partner would you be with?

What sort of life would you be leading?

Where would you be living?

Partners in love

How closely does this list measure up to what you are doing at the moment?

If the list is far removed from your present situation, why is that?

What has lead you to where you are, and what is stopping you changing it?

We can make choices about the paths that we take for many different reasons.

The decisions that we take may not be based on what would make us happy but on how many boxes it would tick:

  • Will my parents be proud (whether they are still around or not does necessarily have a bearing on whether we consider what we imagine to be their opinion)?
  • Will my friends be impressed with my job / house / car / partner?
  • Am I in a 'noble' profession?
  • Is my partner in a 'noble' profession?
Man questioning his profession

But are you happy?

You may feel that to make a decision based on your own wants and needs is being self-absorbed.

But where did these ideas come from?

Why can’t you take a job/life that makes you happy as opposed to one that ticks all the boxes?

To whom do you owe the responsibility to have all of these boxed ticked anyway?

Did someone give you the list to tick off?

Or did you make it up, based on assumptions about what other people might think?

Based on what you feel you OUGHT to do?

Does using this list as the basis for your decisions in life bring you happy outcomes?

Think about what brought you to where you are today. Think about how happy you are.

Think about what you would be doing if there was no-one to consider but yourself. If there was no-one to impress.

Would you be doing what you are doing?

If yes then CONGRATULATIONS!

Balloons for congratulations

Having a job or relationship that we love and that fulfils us is a massive thing as we spend most of our time in these things.

What brought you to where you are now in the first place?

Whatever your original reasons for taking this path, do they still stand?

Are they good enough reasons to stay when you’re not happy?

Think about why you aren’t doing exactly what you would love to be doing.

In terms of work, I know that when I was at school, my careers advice was along the lines of ‘Do you want to be an accountant, solicitor or scientist?’. There was no suggestion that I might want to explore becoming a florist or a fashion designer. Maybe that was because they didn’t feel I personally possessed the skills to do those things but the point being that the choices that were put to me were pretty limited and so I left school with the impression that these were ‘proper jobs’ and so I should get one of those.

So I did. 


In terms of relationships, was this partner someone that you would have chosen if you didn’t have to introduce them to your family or friends?

Did you choose them because they would fit the criteria of others’ expectations, or because this person met your expectations?

How did you end up where you are?

Write down everything that you can think of. Then write a bit more.

The more you write, the better chance your subconscious has of letting something come forward.


If you need some prompts, ask yourself:

  • Why am I where I am?
  • Did I choose my situation or was it chosen for me?
  • Did I take this path for me or to pease someone else?
  • Am I happy here?

You've completed Step Two!

What has been revealed to you in working through this?

There may be new things that you weren't aware of.

It may be that old issues are continually jumping out at you.  

When you feel ready, click on this link to reveal

Step Three

Are are struggling with what you've found?

"Why is this is still bothering me after all this time?" 

"How come I haven't cleared it after all the work I've done on myself?"

We can study hard to find out what we have to do to deal with issues. It's not always so easy to implement what we earn .

If you need some help then let's schedule a call and talk. 

Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

Please do let me know about what you discovered and have changed as a result. I’d love to hear!

coaching@jessicahylandslifecoaching.co.uk