Who's doing that to you?!
It's not fair.
If stress is a problem for you, the first thing to realise is that nothing, or no-one, can make you feel anything.
Your stress is generated by your interpretation of events and not the events themselves.
Change the way you view things and it will change how you feel about them.
Probably not what you want to hear when you're in the middle of such a frustrating time.
It feels better to think it's someone else's fault.
The source of your stress can come from all sorts of things. From big things such as financial or health worries, to small things such as not being able to find your car keys.
Generally speaking, when we find ourselves getting stressed about relatively small things, there is usually a bigger, underlying cause.
We are feeling stressed before we lose our keys and so when we do, it feels as though the world in crashing down around us. The keys were just the icing on the cake.
You may be aware of the what the bigger issue is, or it might be that you're hiding from it.
Not necessarily on a conscious level....
If the latter, we could be hiding it because it is either too big to be able to cope with, or because we don’t know how to cope with it.
In order to be able to deal with the stress, you need to know what's causing it.
If it's a regular occurrence, when you feel this emotional state coming on, write down everything that you are thinking and feeling.
If you do this a number of times, you’ll see a pattern emerging which will give you clues as to the real cause of your stress.
For example you may think it’s work that is stressing you out. An analysis of your thoughts shows you something else. Your car is unreliable and causes you to run late all the time which in turn causes problems at work. Therefore the cause of the stress isn’t work, but the car.
Once you know exactly what’s causing it, it will make it easier to deal with.
If it is an object that’s causing you stress
As in the example with the car, don’t keep putting it off, get it fixed, get a new car, or get the bus.
It doesn’t matter which because whichever you choose will get rid of the stress. Apply the same logic to all objects: Fix it, get a new one, or find an alternative.
If it is a situation that’s causing you stress
Analyse the situation to ascertain the exact point that is the problem. Once you find that, think hard about it. What are your options? Can you walk away from the situation? If not, how can you improve it? Is it lack of confidence that is stopping you from confronting an issue in order for it to work the way that you’d like it to?
If you can’t walk away and can’t change it, how can you view it differently so that it doesn’t cause you so much stress?
Is there any way that it can be viewed from a cup half full rather than cup half empty perspective?
If it is another person that is causing you stress
The first thing to remember about other people is that
No-one can make you feel anything.
It's not what they do or say that makes you feel bad but how you interpret it.
Another thing to consider is that the negative way that they act towards you is very rarely anything directly to do with you.
If they are upsetting or offending you in any way, it is more than likely an expression of their own discomfort within themselves.
When someone is totally happy and content, they haven’t got the time or inclination to be worried about what you're up to.
They’re too busy smiling and enjoying themselves!
If one person is treating another badly, they are usually venting their own negativity about themselves onto you.
Like any other bully, when they stop getting the required reaction from you, they’ll stop doing it.
Your situation may have been going on for years. It can feel so ingrained that it’s not always easy to see a way out.
We all need support at times like this and talking to a friend, colleague or family member about your issue will hopefully give you a different perspective on things.
I do hope that this information has helped you to identify what’s causing you stress and will enable you to get it under control.
If you would like some help, do give me a call. We can have a free chat to see whether we click and whether you’d like us to work together to put an end to your stressful situation.
Here’s to a stress free day!
Look here ....... one for FREE and the other for FREEDOM!
by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach