We develop our beliefs from an early age.
What we see, hear and feel will mould us into the psychological shape that we become.
These may change as time goes on depending on our experiences in life.
They are the ones that we look up to. They are our blueprint of the world.
Not having anything to compare it to, we take what they say as fact. They are always right in our eyes.
At this time we don’t have to worry about making decisions or forming opinions as it’s done for us.
As time goes on we start to interact with others independently of our parents. At school, at Brownies or Cubs, maybe at the swimming club.
When we meet other people we hear what they have to say. We hear their beliefs and assumptions about life and about the world around us.
Up to a certain age we will probably just assume their version to be wrong because
But as we get older, if what we hear is different to our version, we may start to look into it a bit more. We may come to the conclusion that what our parents believe doesn’t sit with what we believe and so we start to shift.
This belief may then continue to shift as the years go by. This will be from experiences that we have which may prove the ‘fact’ that we know, to be wrong.
Maybe someone with an opposing view may convince us that they are right with some compelling reasons that we hadn’t thought of.
Society’s opinion might change. By that I mean that in year 1 x,y and z is part of life and by year 10 you could go to prison for it, or vice versa.
This could well sway your beliefs.
How do our beliefs that we hold and assumptions that we make affect us?
Having a negative belief about someone or something can make us have very bad feelings towards individuals. It may well be that these negative feelings have nothing to do with the individual concerned.
Let’s say there is a young person standing at your bus-stop wearing jeans hanging past their bum and a hoodie.
It may be the case that your assumption is that they are up to no good. They are obviously on the dole and obviously looking to nick something from somebody.
To let them know that you’re onto them you may huff and puff. You may throw them a few dirty looks. You may do more but for most of us this would be the extent of our negativity I suspect!
In reality this may be a very shy retiring teenager who’s just off to visit their Gran and has their hood up because they’re cold. They might be more afraid of you because of your huffing and puffing than you are disdainful of them.
It’s easy to make assumptions.
Be conscious when you find yourself having thoughts about someone or something when you don’t have enough facts to warrant it. Check whether your planned actions or reactions are reasonable.
Your perception of a perfect partner is possibly based on your parents, a relative or someone else of early influence.
This person was someone that you admired and loved, and someone who felt the same for you.
It stands to reason therefore that you might seek someone similar to them for a relationship. The subconscious assumption being that you will share the love and respect with them.
So you meet someone who seems to be along their lines. Wow! You’ve hit the jackpot!
There are some aspects of this person that you find early on that don’t please you too much but you ignore them. They tick the boxes that you deem to be important anyway.
Your subconscious assumption is that because they have the same way about them and may do the same thing for a living as your idea of perfection, that they will have the same morals and ethics.
Whether this is the blueprint of a parent, or previous partner, the assumptions that we make can blind us to reality.
Hopefully you will get out of the relationship in time when you start to realise the person’s true colours but sometimes we remain blind to it for a long time.
You don’t end up happy because they aren’t the person that you thought they were but you’ve made your bed so you feel you must lie in it. (You don’t have to by the way but this is how we can feel sometimes).
All of our decisions are made with our logic and our emotions.
For example the logic will tell you whether you can afford to buy something and the emotion will tell you which one to buy.
There is another aspect that comes into the decision making and this will be your beliefs or assumptions
YES! You can afford to buy that fabulous outfit!
NO! You don’t deserve it.
NO! You never go anywhere nice to wear it.
NO! People will think you are getting above your station wearing something that nice.
So you believe that you aren’t good enough to wear or even own this outfit and so it is a no.
You see an advert for your dream job.
It is made for you. It’s everything that you ever wanted!
Logic: Go for it!
Emotion: I shouldn’t bother – you won’t get it.
Even if you go with Logic and apply for the job, you may attend the interview with Emotion and because of your belief and assumptions are emanating from you, the negative vibes will be coming across and the interviewer won’t even consider you for the position.
To change your chances and enjoyment of life, change any beliefs that don’t serve you well.
If you need a hand with this then do let me know.
Otherwise I wish you all the best for your glittering future, oozing positivity!
by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach
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