Your life

What does yours look like?

What would your life look like for you to be truly happy?

Have a think about it.

Where would you live?

Who would you live with, or would you live alone?

What would you be doing for a living?

What would your income be?

Who are your friends?

What are your hobbies?

Every list that has been written by everyone reading this, will be different.

Your ideal life is unique to you.

Live on a palm tree lined beach in the Caribbean or on a deserted island in the outer Hebrides with just your sheep and dog for company?

Neither is better or worse than the other – it just depends which you would prefer.

A great night for one person may be a champagne-fuelled party that goes in until dawn, whereas for another it will be a night in with a pizza, watching a good film.

On the face of it, to decide on what your dream life would look like sounds like an easy and pleasurable task.

But it’s not always that simple.

If you have been on your journey of self-discovery for some time, you may be more clear on what you want from life, and may have a good idea of the path you will follow. Indeed you may well be a good way along that path and be enjoying a lot of aspects of your ideal life already.

If however you are just starting out on your journey of self-discovery, the picture of your ideal life may be symptomatic of something else.

What does this mean?

An example of this is when I was looking for my dream house a while ago.

I had very strict criteria; I wanted a house in the country, surrounded by fields, and not on a busy road. It was to be a maximum of a 10 minute walk into a village along a route that was safe to walk ie not along a road with no pathway. The village would be an active one where I could get involved in community activities.

I couldn’t wait to find such a place and move there!

I planned to go walking over the fields with my dog, returning to the village café or pub to sit outside, watch the world go by and chat to my fellow villagers.

My friends would come to my house and we’d sit chatting around a roaring fire in the inglenook fireplace.

Oh what heaven!

I did indeed find somewhere that ticked all of the boxes.

My gut feeling was not to buy it though.

I was very disappointed.

I do always listen to my gut feeling as it’s always right, so I decided to do some coaching on myself (something that I don’t do often enough I must confess!), to find out what the gut feeling was all about.

On coaching myself, I realised that what I was looking for was a sense of community, somewhere local to walk to for coffee and a chat, and countryside on my doorstep.

Having established these points, I realised that I have all of that now. I can chat to at least 10 people from door to door when I go to the park or woods which are a couple of minutes walk away. There is a café and a pub within a ten minute walk. After living here for 14 years I’ve yet to visit them whilst out on a walk, but they are there.

So the thing missing in my current life that I was craving in my dream life in the country, was time.

Time to be able to take that walk to the café.

Time to enjoy and wallow in the splendour and magnificence of the countryside.

Having decided to stay living where I am, I am now focused on making more time to relax and enjoy the moment rather than rushing through life at 100 miles an hour. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy living life to the full and having a full schedule, but I do also like stopping to smell the roses which I had stopped finding the time to do over the years.

Only through digging deep and analysing my thoughts and feelings was I able to come to the conclusion that I did.

Had I bought the ‘dream house’, I may have been disappointed to find that I had LESS time to relax and enjoy my surroundings as I’d have had to travel further for shopping and day to day things which would have taken away from my available time.

So, the lesson learned here is that when you think of your dream life, look at it again.

Is it really a dream or is it solving another problem that you weren't consciously aware of having?

The first step to being able to answer this question is to know yourself.

Think about what you want.

Think about what it will bring you.

What is it about that that makes you feel good?

What is it about it that makes you feel good?

If you need my help then you know where I am but otherwise,

have a great time discovering your inner self! 

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by Jessica Hylands Confidence Coach

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